Happy Birthday Aunt Michelle!
You reap what you sow. But you also sow what you reaped. And you can keep doing that.
What if we could be shaken out of fear, and shaken into choosing love before we’re in sight of our deathbeds? How would we accomplish such a thing?
Well some people get there early on by having a role model BEFORE they have their first traumatic experience, the ones who didn’t have a patronus going in get PTSD’d. Bad. and they’re told no one has room for their hurt because they’re a boy or they did it to themselves but the fact is we never really find bad kids, only bad parents. Just like you only find bad owners, not bad dogs, bad managers that breed bad employees. It’s pervasive. And a lot of the time, the only thing that would have been necessary in all of these otherwise nuclear situations would be the three C’s, or so my positivity sponsor tells me. Hopefully that’ll be on next week’s episode!
We have to agree on a few things so no one feels lost.
To quote some folks off Quora cuz I'm super litty falling asleep rn standing up:
"1 + 1 = 2 because that's how we've defined it, in the same way that the word "cat" refers to small, furry, feline creatures because that's how we've defined it.
Math is just a model. We define 1 + 1 to equal 2 because it's useful. Since we define addition the way we do, we can represent, for example, what happens when I have an apple and someone gives me another apple. 1 apple + 1 apple = 2 apples. If we defined it differently, apples would still behave the same way, we just wouldn't be able to use addition to talk about apple transactions.
There are also a lot of real-world situations that seem like addition but aren't well-modeled by this definition of addition. For example, when two clouds merge, you get one cloud, but that does not mean that 1 + 1 = 1, because math isn't talking about that kind of addition when it says "+".
So for this question, it depends on whether you are talking theory in a perfect world that only exists in an abstract sense for our convenience, or whether it applies to counting real objects in real life (why counting was invented) where one unit virtually never equals another. And that is when 1+1 is not 2… it’s when you leave an abstract world and enter the real, tangible one."
So if we’re being fair, in languages other than math, a solution arises by people assigning new meanings for new words that are metaphorical synonyms for addition, aka merging, and various other combinationary wordssss I’m getting tired can ya tell? It’s okay I’ll edit it all eventually.
Every action, thought or intention is either out of love, or fear. Jim Carrey says it and i like to cite people who don’t make money on the thing they believe in. It feels "organic".
LIFE MATH MOMENT
You can perform an action once, but when a ritual is performed consistently, it’s almost like you’re charging it every single day. Like a thought battery. That you end up slowly but surely recharging yourself more easily and fully to that actions full potential you would like to reach. When you're done using that particular habit as a method of unmadness, decide what your next step is and upgrade that programming!
Basically if you just do super tiny basic almost placebo level habits mindfully with intent and gratitude instead of expectation, you add on a few whenever you feel like it. Then before you know it, your Maslows are covered, and then eventually you suddenly get to the point where you’re constantly self actualizing because you’re Yoda. You’re being the absolute best you you can be by going with the universal flow, basically living off of the force simply by how much knowledge he was accessing for luke in those moments, facilitating his ability to teach himself.
You can teach a man to fish, but if he’s in a desert wisdom falls on deaf ears that might’ve used it in the future. Luke was on an island, ready to fucking make shit happen. All Yoda really did in the end was push him and bring him to the situations he would need to face in order to defeat his looming foes in the future. Yoda did give himself to the higher power that is the force in spirituality and altruism, continuing his self actualization until, well, I’m not that much of a Star Wars fan. If I’m going to be using this as a metaphor, I’d better brush up on it lol..
Basically, as the person that I am that chooses to be suicidal in action rather than words and habits, I am promiscuous, i smoke cigarettes, i give myself to people 100% when I should be giving 25, 15, 50% maximum of my time of day, and that’s if I realllllly like them, right? Because I know that the me I am when I’m by myself is actually one of the most ridiculously powerful and satisfactorily desirous humans I know when I am channeling all of my energy into the correct things instead of hurting myself with bad choices. So instead of acting like I’m not a human that’s allowed to sit down and Be a Kid anymore, just Existing instead of constantly Doing and Parenting myself into getting things done regardless of how much my existence keeps crying out for me to sit down and let myself rest and play for a little while, maybe even schedule it into my day if I’m really going to walk my talk.
But here’s where I want to caution against over-self-parenting. By that, I mean, it’s important. But what’s more important than disciplining yourself is the ability to recognize and commit to the days when you’re going to need to allow yourself to not feel like a failure and maybe scale your consistent habit/word/intention list back. Because when I look at a page of ALL of the things i NEED to get done in a day, I’d rather throw that page on the bottom of my stack and use my favorite coping mechanism of attention and doing for others, or if i’m lucky, facilitating them to help themselves.
But I can’t let myself jump from attention ho to doing ho to facilitation ho. I need to commit to sitting down with myself, for myself, and I can include people in that but my deepest honesties are the ones I feel like I’m allowed to let out without anyone looking at me like I’m supposed to hurt because of them.
I already forgave myself for who I am. I’m sorry that you have yet to, but I will not have that inflicted on me while I am holding my healing process back simply to document how hard it is while I’m deciding it is. I do what I must because I can, AND I do what I can cuz I must. Don't judge me. I’m doing science, bitch. I wouldn’t have felt credible if I made my final form known without first falling back into the mire of my self doubt for a moment (cancel/clear).
But the final walking of the talk? The real secret? Is Not Ever Fully Identifying with Any Singular One of those Three Levels of Self (I’m capitalizing for effect because I feel slightly yelly, sorry), but flowing in and through each of them, as each situation requires and allows. That is how we listen, and compromise. By listening to the traces of what they feel we’ve done on their faces, minds, and hearts.
There are too many buts on my motherfuckin page!