There’s a couple words that could go here, but I sure ain’t got the fight.
“It matters for really big reasons, and you don’t get why yet but that’s okay”
“God I’ve listened to that statement for two years”
Some of my loved ones are bringing me enlightening perspectives on my take on the universe.
1 - “We figured out this is why ppl are this way” (Awareness, understanding)
2 - “We’re gonna love everybody, even though we know” (Actively choosing Love over fear)
Yes. Those are the facts. We know who they are, we know what they’re doing, what it does to us and the universe.
The problem for everybody, is that these addicts/patients/students are just going to keep doing it. And reaping the benefits of it, and the universe has to keep absorbing it. It is very true that just cuz we know why, doesn’t matter in the equation of whether or not they can be helped to heal themselves.
They have to want to be helped. They have to believe that someone in the world might have some data (knowledge/facts/experience) that would fill in some of the blank of their personal life math, that they obviously are incapable of solving in solitary confinement of our own completely unheard pain.
And it’s especially hard for those people (raises hand) who know that the real answer would have been to have SHOWN THEIR WORK and to have been WILLING to do it the LONG WAY.
We know why they do it. They ask us so we do. Do we always do? Do we look at it and ask if its right, then say no? Ok, then don’t do.
The answer is always: Forgive. According to life math, the path of least resistance and greatest return is forgiveness. When someone screws you over, you are required to forgive them, for the person that they are, in faith that they’ll one day become a person that’s forgiving in the first place. You don’t have to, but if you choose anything other than forgiveness, that action in fear, pushing against yourself, will often end up having a tangible psychological change in your personality or physical change in your body of some kind, for at least a while. Projection is a helluva drug.
For most, forgiveness means I’ll pretend to trust you and let you be around me. I’ll talk to you again. I’ll pretend you can be in my circle. You never work through the actual thing, which is yes I was hurt by that for legit reasons at the time, even though you don’t see why right now, you will see why. If we don’t forgive and work through the equation, we inevitably end up choosing the same cycles and damage.
That’s the reason most people feel like they need to cut contact. It goes something along the lines of: Here’s the list of sins you committed against me, we think the person the list is about doesn’t have their own. I have often recalled noting how I’ve said “I have the biggest dick in the room”,
What I didn’t realize is while I was saying that, I was the biggest victim. Once I wrote it all out, i realized that. I stopped putting outside, stop projecting.
Its not fair. The one who showed me these things did so by yelling them at me for a year. And a lot of the time it wasn’t yelling, but I was so not interested or capable of hearing him and because of how much he got off on seeming like the victim, he just kept yelling them at me the more I couldn’t hear them. I wouldn’t be able to know these things this fast. Naomi didn’t want to be there listening to stuff she wasn’t ready to hear. She’d already done that for a long time. She didn’t know how to be honest with herself that that’s what he was doing. It felt like, “He was just being honest, well, shouldn’t I let him have the space for his honesty?”
And that’s what all this boils down to. I didn’t have to. I could have not.
I shouldn’tv’e done that to me and my head in the first place, and he shouldn’t have. And neither of us have to do it to ourselves, still. Anyone can get sad at me for moving the goalposts, but you know what woke actually looks like. You can’t think you’re woke if you don’t think I’m woke, we both know were not woke enough yet. How bout you stop telling me all the ways that I’m blind. I’ll stop not telling you all the ways you’re still hurting my feelings for not doing shit we’ve talked about our entire relationship and won’t. Still.
It’s super silly but ever since I was a kid I was into integrity. I had no idea how to live up to it but it haunted be because i ended up being a flake and a taker and all these things. Integrity is just the two way street. Every person is going to require a slightly different way of interacting and either you can work with them or you can reflect against that.
Using metaphor of universe=woman. As though it’s already a two way street, and assume the way to integrity of those connections just as with any cable is giving first. If you’re a power outlet, you can’t be like, give me power, and then I’ll give power back. Promise.
Giving can totally be a vice. It’s just another thing we return to cyclically. It’s only a natural relationship to give to someone who has attended, served, or facilitated you. Vice means something you shouldn’t be having. And yes, the only reason you shouldn’t be giving is basically when it starts having a negative impact on you and the one you’re providing for in a longer term sense.
All vices and all addictions begin when you make the conscious choice to return to action that is not in harmony with your stated goals. Most codependent people enjoy spending most of their time doing stuff for their people. The stuff their partner really just doesn’t wanna do, polar opposites that end up admitting to each other how much their differences bring them together and how much they enjoy giving to each other.
Emotionally bankrupt people, on the other hand don’t have their Maslow’s covered (aka physical or mental lacking). When you choose to give them stuff, your service, aka dishes, food, take them to work, they don’t actually know how to be grateful for anything because no one ever taught them they were good enough to feel grateful for what they had, just that they were being told they had enough and therefore should be grateful.
And when you serve other people with your service by doing stuff for them you’re not necessarily helping them as much as you hope you are. It’s nicer to make 1 meal for 6 ppl. When you’re by yourself, why take the effort to do itt just for yourself.
Help ppl help themselves. Be a teacher/tutor/healer, 2nd level. Exponentially increase helping that person. You downloaded info into their brain that will run whenever they decide to finally activate that part of themselves.
Attention is a finite resource, non renewable in the moment, constantly regeneratable, but always finite per object. If you were listening, you’d see the reason the universe brought you to me. She said to herself.